Whatever It Takes
by CBloom2
Summary: <html><head></head>Some caring Cal (coz come on who didn't like seeing that side of him in the last episode?). Whatever it takes, Cal will be there for his brother!</html>
1. Chapter 1

**So, I've watched Casualty on and off now for years but never felt compelled to write anything for the show until now - the last episode, Born Lucky, was fabulous and I'm really loving the Ethan/Cal brotherhood (even though they are at loggerheads most of the time, this episode showed how much Cal cares for his brother).**

**So this is loosly based on that episode and on the promo for the next episode and deals with survivors guilt to a certain extent. I hope it's ok and I hope I manage to keep them in character (I'm sure someone will let me know if I don't!)**

**I don't own anyone that you recognise - I just like to cause them more stress sometimes.**

Whatever It Takes

"You're my little brother...and I love you" the choked, whispered words hung in the dimly lit room as Cal looked to take hold of his brother's hand, but paused at the last moment. He wiped away the freely flowing tears as he turned to get out of the chair...then he felt it...a feather light touch on his hand. He looked down and saw Ethan's long, gentle fingers ghost lightly over his hand. He glanced up to his little brothers face, a slight smile creasing his lips as he saw the thin sliver of blue that marked the fact that the young man in the bed had opened his eyes, "Cal..." he rasped from behind the mask.

Cal couldn't help himself as he gently moved some hair off his forehead, "Shhh don't talk. It's good to see your eyes open - you gave me quite a scare."

"S...Sor...rry..." his eyes were already beginning to close.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for. You rest and I'll be back tomorrow," he finished as he noticed that his brother's breathing had already evened out in sleep.

He made his way to the door, glancing back at the smaller man, bathed in light from the machines and the dull light from above his bed. He felt another wave of emotion build and stepped out of the room quickly before it overtook him once more. As he closed the door a nurse appeared, "Dr Knight? I'm Janet. I'm going to be in charge of Dr Hardy's care, is there anything you would like to know?"

Cal shook his head, "No I'm good. He did open his eyes for a couple of minutes but he's gone back to sleep now."

Janet nodded her head, "Ok, that's good...thanks."

"I'll be back tomorrow," he told her and she bid him good night.

As dawn broke the following morning, a weary Cal made his way to his brother's room. As he stepped out of the lift, he saw Janet just stepping out and closing the door gently. She smiled at him as he strode over towards her, "He had a restful night...more than can be said about you by the looks of it!"

Cal looked to the ground, "Every time I closed my eyes I could see him on the stretcher, covered in blood - I can still feel myself sticking that needle into him..." he shuddered at the thought.

Janet laid an gentle hand on his arm, "You were very brave to do that on your own brother...you saved his life you know."

Cal could only nod, "I have a shift in a hour, could I just sit with him for a while, I won't get in the way..."

"I'm sure that will be fine," Janet assured him. As he began to open the door, he turned towards the nurse again, "Does he know about Jeff yet?"

Janet's face grew sad, "No, he hasn't been awake long enough to tell him."

"Ok - I guess it'll be down to me anyway...well it should be."

He closed the door gently behind him and immediately took in the appearance of the man in front of him. They had took his oxygen mask off and replaced it with a nasal one, so already he looked better. He placed a chair right at the side of the bed and just watched his brother's chest rise and fall. He placed his elbows on the bed and put his head in his hands trying to massage away the tiredness, but he knew it wouldn't work.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been there when he heard his name being called. He must've dozed off slightly as he felt disorientated for a few seconds until he realised that the voice he had heard was Ethan's.

"Hey there..." he said quietly.

"What time is it?" Ethan rasped, but he sounded a lot clearer than the night before.

"It's just after 7," Cal told him.

"In the morning or in the evening?"

"In the morning...why do you ask?" Cal enquired, confused by the question.

"You're here before shift? Who are you and what have you done with my brother," Ethan chuckled, which sent him into a coughing fit.

Cal would've laughed along with him at his attempt at humour, but the coughing concerned him. Ethan groaned as the coughing pulled on everything that hurt.

Cal got him some water and sat on the edge of the bed, urging him to take a small sip, which he did and the coughing began to subside, "That's what you get for trying to be a wise guy Eth," Cal smiled.

Ethan laid back on the pillows, exhausted from his labours, but he managed a slight smirk in response to the older man's teasing. Once Cal was sure Ethan was settled, he glanced at his watch and stood up, "I'm due on shift now, but I'll come up when I can."

"You don't have to. You should get some rest...you look worse than I do," Ethan told him quietly, as his eyes began to droop again.

"I'll see you later," Cal assured him as he left the room.

Ten minutes later, Cal was assessing his first patient, but his heart wasn't in it. He was beyond tired by this point and was still incredibly worried about his brother. It didn't go unoticed.

As part of his treatment plan, Cal had sent his patient for a xray, so while there was a gap in proceedings, Charlie managed to lead him into the staff room, where he handed him a mug of coffee, "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"Yes, of course I did..." Cal stared into his mug.

"Cal..." Charlie didn't have to say anything else, as he saw Cal visible crumble in front of him, "I thought as much. Look Cal, yesterday was bad for all of us but for you it must have been horrendous! You need some proper rest. You'll be no good to the brother that you tried so hard to save if you're not 100%. You know I'm right..."

Charlie had sat down in front of the younger man by now and could see that there was something else troubling him, "There's something else isn't there?"

Cal looked to the older man, he face wet with tears that he hadn't realised had been falling, "He doesn't know about Jeff yet," he choked out, "He's not strong enough yet..."

"Better to tell him sooner rather than later because he may find out from someone else."

Cal hadn't thought of that. He dried his eyes, "I'll be back in a bit," he told the older nurse.

"No you won't!" Charlie insisted. "Take the day off. I'll square it with Connie. Take the day, tell Ethan everything he needs to know then go home and get some proper rest. Ethan is going to be fine, but he needs you to be the strong brother for once!"

"Thanks Charlie," he said sincerely, realising just how lucky he was to work where he did.

Charlie left to talk to Connie, so Cal got out of his scrubs and with a heavy heart made his way back up to his brother's room.

**Ok so I'm going to leave it there for now. It was going to be a one shot, but as I've been writing it it's kind of morphed into a longer piece, but I will try to have it finished before Saturday's new episode, as my version of it will probably be completely different to what actually happens.**

**Hope it was ok for my first foray into Casualty - please be kind.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for you lovely reviews and favourites, you are so kind. I was really nervous posting this but you made me feel better.**

**So time may move a bit quicker in this chapter as I don't want it to become bogged down with sadness etc (although there is plenty of sadness in it) - well, you'll see what I mean.**

**Hope it's ok still.**

**Chapter 2**

Cal stood in front of the door to his brother's room and took a deep breath to steal himself for the awful task he had to face once he walked in. Janet, who had been looking after Ethan all night, was still there and noticed his trepidation, "What's wrong?" she asked kindly.

Cal blew out a breath, "Charlie has sent me away, can't concentrate, but I still have to tell Ethan about Jeff - they got on really well (A.N. Jeff got on with everybody didn't he?) and I just know that he's going to take this hard..."

"Better to find out from you than from a stranger," Janet assured him, "I'm about to go off shift now, do you want me to go in with you?"

Cal shook his head, "No thank you, I'll be fine...you may have to keep an eye on him though, because if I know my brother he'll withdraw into himself then lash out when it all becomes to much," he explained sadly, his mind casting back to when their mother had died.

"Don't worry, I'll keep both eyes on him," Janet told him as she laid a comforting hand on his arm.

Slowly, the young doctor opened the door, surprised to see the younger man wide awake, "Hey, you look brighter."

Ethan turned his head towards his brother, "And you look worse than earlier..."

Cal smiled, "Charlie agreed with you. He's told me to go home and get some sleep and not even think about going back on shift until tomorrow...or words to that effect."

"Good, you need your rest. It couldn't have been easy for you," Ethan said.

"No it wasn't. It's hard enough when it's someone you know, but when it's family..." he couldn't finish.

"Well, I'm still here so you must have done something right!" Ethan smiled.

"Yeah, for once," Cal all but whispered causing Ethan to frown.

Cal pulled up a chair and sat down heavily, "Look Eth, I've got something to tell you...It's not going to be easy to hear and I'm still not sure you're strong enough to hear it, but I don't want you finding out from a stranger..."

Ethan managed to pull himself up a little straighter, just managing to hold back a grimace, "Cal...what? Did everyone get out alright?"

His older brother shook his head sadly, causing a knot of panic to form in his stomach, "Who Cal? Who was it? It wasn't Lily..." Ethan could feel his chest beginning to tighten as the panic took hold and his breathing began to get more laboured. Before he knew it, his brother was sat on his bed holding his hand pleading with him to calm down and breathe slower. After a few minutes of listening to Cal, he managed to slow his breathing right down, and the weight on his chest lifted somewhat.

Cal hadn't let go of his hand though, "No, Lily's fine. Ash was last one they got out. He was, after you, the most seriously injured...but after they got him out the car blew up..."

Ethan's eyes grew as wide as saucers, "Jeff was just getting out when it blew...he didn't make it."

Ethan stared at his brother, trying to work out if this was just another one of his sick jokes at his expense, but seeing the sadness written all over the older mans face, he realised that he had been telling him the truth, "Jeff..." he breathed as Cal nodded, "He saved us all...I remember him talking to me about relaxing with tv and box sets on full pay while they were trying to get me out..."

Cal tightened his hold on his brother's hand, just as Ethan tried to pull it away. Due to the fact that Cal had hold of it and wouldn't let it go Ethan turned his head away, "I'm tired Cal. I think I'll go to sleep. You should too."

Cal sighed. He knew he had been dismissed and that Ethan was already shutting down, "Ethan, don't do this. Don't shut me out," he pleaded.

"I'm just tired!" With that he closed his eyes.

"Ok, ok, well I'll go home for a couple of hours, but I'll be back later..." he promised, but there was no answer.

Cal shut the door behind him and took a deep breath. Janet once again appeared from nowhere, "I thought you were on your way home?"

"I wanted to see how it went first," she told him, her eyes full of concern.

"As I expected...he just turned away and shut me out."

"Give him some time, he's got a lot to process, but I'm sure that when he realises that we are all there for him, he'll open up...but it could take some time."

"I know, but we were just starting to become brothers again after all my previous stupidity, I don't want to lose that now," Cal felt a lump of emotion form in his throat.

"You won't - just be there for him when he needs you..."

Cal nodded, then left to try to catch a few hours rest.

The next few days carried on much the same. Ethan got stronger and stronger, but he hardly spoke to anyone. Cal sat with him whenever he got a break from the emergency department. On the third night of sitting with him, Cal finally had enough, "Ethan, come on mate, talk to me. How are you doing?"

Ethan could hear the frustration in his brother's voice and he felt really bad for being the reason of that frustration, "I'm ok Cal, really I am. I managed to get up today for a little while, so that's a step in the right direction..."

"And you were ok?"

"To be honest, I did feel a little dizzy and nauseous but I managed it...erm...Cal, when is Jeff's funeral?"

Ethan's stuttered question caught him by surprise, "Oh, it's tomorrow actually."

Ethan nodded. Cal could see his brother's brain starting to work overtime, "No Eth, you can't go...you're not strong enough yet."

"You could take me in a wheelchair if you need to, but I'm going," the younger man insisted.

"Ethan, come on mate, be reasonable. You weren't just involved in a car crash, you nearly died! Do you get it? You nearly died! You can't just get out of bed..."

He stopped as he saw his brother's eyes fill with tears, "I know I nearly died Cal," he all but whispered, "But Jeff saved me at the scene, just as much as you did when I got here...I need to be there to pay my respects and to say that I'm sorry."

The last few words were spoken so quietly that Cal almost missed them, "What do you mean? You have nothing to be sorry about."

Ethan just gave him 'the look' which silenced him, then put his head back on his pillows and closed his eyes.

Cal blew out a breath and began to rise from his chair, "Look Ethan, I'm going along with the rest of the department, so I will pay both our respects to him - you just rest...please."

With nothing forthcoming from the younger man, Cal bid him goodnight and vowed to see him before he left for the funeral.

The following morning, Cal arrived at the emergency department a good hour before they were due to leave for the funeral. He wanted to see Ethan before he left to assure him, once again, that he would pay their respects, "Hey Cal, you going to see Ethan before we leave?" Lofty caught him as he walked in.

"Yeah, it's going to be hard for him to stay here when he knows that we are all there, he wants to go..."

"He's not ready for that yet," Lofty commented.

"I wish he felt that way," Cal sighed.

As he exited the lift to his brother's room, he caught sight of Janet, "Morning Janet, how's he been?"

"Very quiet. I am a little concerned that he is showing all the signs of depression, but I'm going to see how he copes after today before we do anything major. How are you?"

"I'm ok or at least I will be after today. I'm just going to pop in before I leave."

He pushed open the door and stopped dead in his tracks...his little brother's bed was empty!


	3. Chapter 3

**Right, so this is the final chapter. I've been panicking that I wouldn't get this done before Saturdays episode. Remember this is only loosley based on the promo, I haven't seen or heard or read anything else about the next episode. Hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer, I don't own anyone that you recognise from the show.**

Whatever It Takes - chapter 3

Cal let the door close with a thud as he strode towards the nurse's station, where he saw Janet, "Janet, where's Ethan?"

The nurse looked at him in confusion, "He's in bed where I left him not five minutes ago."

"He's not there!" The young doctor retorted, wildly looking about him for any clues of where his brother might be.

Janet jumped to her feet and dashed to the room, "We'd have heard him leave if he had tried to escape - the alarms on the machines would have gone off - if not in the room definitely at the nurses station."

She stormed into the empty room, confusion and concern clearly evident on her face. She looked at the machines, twice, "He's done something to these so that the alarm wouldn't sound..." She frowned as she tried to work out what the doctor had done (A.N. a small amount of dramatic licence here - just fits the story.)

Cal felt his mouth twitch at the thought of his brother hot wiring the machines, but that soon changed back to worry over where his ill brother was. Suddenly, it dawned on him, "I think I know where he's gone..." as he turned to leave the hospital floor, "I'll bring him back later..."

"He's going to the funeral," Janet stated, finally understanding Cal's train of thought.

Cal nodded, then he was gone.

Ten minutes later, Cal was pounding up the stairs to the flat that he shared with his brother (A.N. I don't actually know if they do share) and sure enough there was Ethan slumped up against the wall in some hospital scrubs, "Ethan!"

The younger man looked up, squinting as his head began to pound, "Please Cal, just get me inside before you rant at me."

He sounded so miserable that the older man opened the door then turned to help his brother up onto his feet, steadying him as a wave of dizziness washed over him.

Once inside, with Ethan sat on the sofa with a glass of water, Cal could no longer bottle it up, "What the hell were you thinking? No, scrap that, you weren't thinking! Do you know how far your recovery has been put back now? Of course you do, you;re a doctor! God Ethan..."

"I'm sorry Cal..." Ethan whispered, tears filling his eyes once again, "I just really needed to say goodbye."

The older man sighed deeply and sat himself down on the same sofa, "I get it, I do but...oh there's no point now, you're here. Right I will take you but there are some rules..."

Ethan glaced sideways at his brother, "Go on..."

"I've got a wheelchair in the car so you're going to use that, no arguments," he insisted as it looked like Ethan was going to protest, "Also, after the service, you go back to hospital."

"Sounds fair," Ethan agreed as he began to stand again, "I'll get ready."

The service was moving. A touching tribute to a brave paramedic, although Ethan couldn't take in much of it. Cal had let him sit in one of the pews, but he was very uncomfortable. His head pounded and his side hurt every time he moved a little, so he spent most of the service with his arm across his middle. He was aware of Cal's sideways glances of concern, but he brushed them off - he was fine.

As the coffin was taken out of the church and the mourners began to leave, Cal discreetly brought the wheelchair round so that Ethan could sit in it. Ethan huffed impatiently, as he had done every time the wheelchair appeared, but slowly dropped himself into it anyway.

"Hey Ethan, it's good to see you up and around," Lofty patted his shoulder on his way out, which then caused a wave of pats on the back or hugs. Ethan felt uncomfortable. He didn't want to be noticed. He just wanted to pay his respects quietly, he didn't want any fuss.

They watched the hearse drive away, with his close family and friends following it. Everyone else decided to make their way to the pub near the hospital for a celebration of his life.

"You coming to the pub?" Max asked the two brothers.

"No, he's going back to his five star room..."

"Erm, yes we are..." Cal and Ethan said at the same time.

Cal grimaced as he shook his head, "Ethan we discussed this."

"Just for a hour, please. I feel like I need to be around everyone at the moment - I don't mean anything against you Cal..."

"I get Ethan, I do. We'll stay until the toast that I'm sure someone will do, then we go - deal?"

"Yes, thank you Cal...for everything."

As Cal offered to buy the first round of drinks, Ethan took the opportunity to wheel himself up to the picture of Jeff and started to read some of the tributes that had been laid there. He hadn't told Cal but he was feeling worse than earlier. He was certain that he had a fever. That coupled with his pounding head and aching side he was a relapse just waiting to happen. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder, "Do you want a drink?" His brother came into view, and judging by the concern on his face, he had noticed the fever, "I'll have a mineral water please, plenty of ice."

He turned back to the tributes, reading each and every one of them, "I'm so sorry Jeff...truely sorry...it was all my fault..."

"None of this was your fault, Ethan," a voice told him. He turned round to see Tess standing next to him.

"I should've seen the car Tess, there's no excuse."

"We were all in the car, you could argue that we all should've seen it coming, but we didn't. It was just a tragic accident," she tried to comfort as she pulled up a chair next to him, "It should've been me," he whispered, "I was driving, I was the most badly injured...it should've been me."

Tess put an arm around him and pulled him a little closer to her, shocked at how warm he felt, "Don't ever say that or every rescue and every life that Jeff saved would be for nothing! He would probably slap you for hearing you talk like that..."

"And if he didn't, I would!" Another voice joined the conversation, "How could you say that after everything we all did to save you."  
>"If I had been taking more notice of the road, then none of this would have happened," Ethan insisted, the pounding in his head intensifying. He leaned forward to put his head in his hands, "It's all my fault Cal." Tears began to leak from his eyes as he finally opened himself up to the emotions that had been building for the last few days. Cal immediately took his place beside him and brought him to him, as Tess got up to look for Charlie, "Come on little brother, let's get you back to the hospital, you're not going to last out much longer."<p>

Ethan wiped his nose as he shook his head, "No I need to say goodbye."

Suddenly, Charlie began to speak, "I know that not everyone is here but I would like to propse a toast to Jeff. Everyone in the emergency department knew Jeff in one way or another - he was everyone's friend and a damn good paramedic. He always worked by the rule that no-one gets left behind and even to his last seconds he was making sure that the injured got help. I know that we will miss him terribly and I hope he knows how much we loved and admired him. So if you'll raise your glasses, and let's say goodbye to Jeff, a true hero...to Jeff..."

Everyone raised their glasses to a chorus of "To Jeff." There wasn't a dry eye in the house!

As everyone drank their drinks and began to mill around, Cal felt a gentle touch on his arm, "Cal, I think I need to get back now..." Ethan gasped as the stress of the day began to overwhelm him. Cal jumped up immediately and began to wheel him out as discreetly as he could, "Charlie I'm taking Ethan back as he is awol anyway."

Charlie bent down to talk to Ethan and was shocked at the younger mans pallor, yet it was obvious that he was burning up too, "Take care of yourself Ethan - I'm glad you managed to come."

"Yes, me too Charlie - I had to say goodbye."

"Don't blame yourself Ethan, it wasn't your fault, you have to believe that," Charlie insisted.

"Maybe one day I'll believe that."

Half a hour later, Ethan was back in his bed being pumped full of antiobiotics and painkillers, fast asleep. Cal was in his usual position by his bedside. As he watched his little brother sleep, Cal thought back to earlier when Ethan had been telling Tess that it should've been him that had died. He shuddered as he recalled Ethan's insistance that the accident was his fault and that he shouldn't have lived. Cal was transported back to the day of the crash, when he had nearly lost his brother - the helplessness and despair - that's what it would've been like for him for the rest of his life if he'd lost Ethan that day. Not for the first time since the accident, he found himself offering thanks that it hadn't been his brother that had died. His attention drifted back to the young man in the bed as he shuffled positions once more, his forehead creasing as he moved. Cal took hold of the hand nearest to him, just cradling it gently, just taking in the feel of it once more, "I don't know if you can hear me Eth, but I really need you to stop blaming yourself for what happened. When I heard you talking to Tess today, saying that it should've been you who had died, I couldn't take it in - I couldn't believe that you were thinking that. I'm not going to get all sappy on you like I did the other day, but you are all I have left and I need you more than I could ever convey to you, so if you insist on carrying on with the martyr complex, then whatever it takes I will be there to bring you back coz you know that I lo..."

"Yes I do," a whispered reply, "Thank you my brother..."

**So, that's it. I'm sure it's nothing like what will actually happen in Saturdays episode! Hope it's not rubbish. Not sure if I like it that much but we will see. Take a moment to review if you **

**would like (I know I would like to hear from you). **

**On a different note, I'm so pleased to see more Cal/Ethan stories appearing on Fan Fiction - keep up the good work!**


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